At least only happy thing is happening recently in my life might be that i found my favourite writer. There was a time when someone asks me who the most favourite writer of mine is , i would say " i don't know ". The first novel i read was Norwegian wood , pretty simple story but still there is an unforgettable and unprocrastinating thing about it, then there is Colorless Tazaki , Hard boiled end of the World , Kafka...
For me , a psychological conflict such as dream , desire , longing , fighting, countering , defeating and disappointing , feeling empty, winning , owning , satisfying .... emotions of someone is more real struggle than real life situation such as scarcity in financial situation or physiological hardship.
I really enjoyed reading his novel called " Colorless Tazaki ".
Tazaki is handsome, son of well-being family in a small city in Japan , someone could appraise him for neither being too genius or too handsome , because everything he has from physical appearance till personalities and characteristics, there was nothing sharp thing about him , that would drive someone's attention into it.He was perfect average in life according to his own perspective. In the end , there is nothing except yourself can describe yourself. When he was in a high school ,he was part of friend group which would consist of 5 people , later this friendship which has become only painful and happiest precious memory in his life. We call something which has reached the end as
" memory ".Such memories have somehow effect on our life and add colors to our who we are today.
By chance all of their names contained a colour. The two boys were called Akamatsu, meaning 'red pine', and Oumi, 'blue sea', while the girls' names were Shirane, 'white root', and Kurono, 'black field'. Tazaki was the only last name with no colour in it. 2 beautiful girls and 3 boys who are all in early age of puberty had friendship they were all reluctant to exchange this friendship with short aged teenage love drama , in order to protect it , they were all making efforts individually even by postponing flame in heart toward each other. There was harmony in the group , everything is peaceful and all were happy to enjoy this companionship. After school, 5 friends would enjoy time together , hanging out , studying or organizing volunteering works for primary school students. Sometimes there is harmony between people you can't describe with words. That harmony existed between them. If it is 2 people , it might easy to convince one another into harmony, but if it's 5 people , we should call this harmony " amazing". Actually while i was reading the novel,i was jealious of their friendship.But , deep inside , Tazaki was feeling that he was feeling unlike other 4 friends , he saw himself as no fit to their group and colorless. Everyone has triggering stimulus to draw people into them , White is beautiful girl , with black long hair , slim body feature , she had talent to play piano with ultimate sensitive feeling of the melody , but this talent wasn't enough to compete with outer world in professional field , Black is also lovely girl and royal friend of White , lively and outgoing , people would always see them going hand in hand , people might compare them . Red was real future sportsman , Blue was math genius.
Tazaki was average on everything , that's what he felt all the time. Only desire he longed for was maybe to be engineer to build rail stations, he enjoyed staring at rail stations. After high school graduation, 4 other members willing to stay in their small city , to protect their amazing friendship maybe was also unseen reason for unwillingness to abandon their hometown. Fear ! Fear to know that there plenty of other options in the world , actually once we leave our original place , we never turn tback to that point because freedom of choosing among options trigger our greediness, we want more and more , if we can't get it , we will be disappointed . Tazaki wanted to go to Tokyo , to study more.Because of lack of ambition , even though he had many chances to go abroad or study abroad , he didn't go .Studying engineer at high prestige university in Tokyo was enough for him.
After he became student , his 4 friends continued their education in their hometown, still longing for their next meeting , maintained their friendship with his visit from Tokyo. But one day , without any explanation , his 4 friends told him the decision that they don't want to see him again in their friendship circle , suddenly a quiet loner, becomes estranged from his four childhood friends without explanation. We might realize something by reading good, or getting qualified education but main factor which adds color into life is actually " people around us " , suddenly Tazaki become colorless, ad his life become colorless, his everyday life continues only process through plans and actions without any emotions. He couldn't explain the feeling to himself , the feeling of sudden emptiness. He studied all his subjects , swimmed , read , enjoyed staring railroad stations, strayed in Tokyo alone. But after such big schock and hurtful memory, he couldn't dare to make friends with people , even strayed far from his family because going back to hometown would bring only memoeries of his friends who have abondened him wihtout explanation. His life continued like this till mid thirties, he made up his scars through long time, accostumed living aloner life, didn't question about it again. It seems to like his life is peaceful and monoton, no big trouble except hard wired scar in the heart, because he inherited father's real state in Tokyo , he worked as engineer at railroad station , building and somtimes repaiting them, doing his dream job. His past friendship case was closed until that day he met this special woman in his life.
Sarah, she 's works at travel agency , interesting woman with wide extension, different colors in her life,to compare with Tazaki.Their relationship is going well but the wall dividing people from himself, which Tazaki has built up because of his childhood scars was standing between them .Sarah knew that wall should recked down by his finding answer from his childhood friends. Yeah tha's so true , we forget our past , and continue but we forget the fact that it has still enormous effect on us , burden on us, till we fix them. I also don't like novel which ends with" happy ever after" wihtout leaving cliche of contineous. That's why i really liked ending too.
... he goes to Finland , to find asnwer .to find his own color , his color was love and respect of his friends toward him ,worth of being loved and being respected by our loved ones. That makes our life colorful....
the thing is that "existence in mind of someone we love " is our real existence in reality.Existing only in our world might have end up in our world without acknowledgement of anyone.That's why need friends , really real friends .
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